well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
