He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
