So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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