You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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