Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
