Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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