So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
