guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So vagazzling was a success
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
