am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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