i'm signing you up for texting rehab
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
