The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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