i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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