He had one of those small greek statue penises
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
