Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just invented taco cereal.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
