If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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