I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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