Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We have started to decorate penises.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
