I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
