I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
