Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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