so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
