new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
