My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
