I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
