I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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