Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
