So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
