I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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