So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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