You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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