bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
