Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
