I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
