we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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