Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
