I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They have beer where we have blood.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
