shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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