how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
