I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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