you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
