I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
