kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
