Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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