Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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