hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
