its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
