By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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