I accidentally had phone sex last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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