I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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