Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was like eating out sand paper
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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