That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
