If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
