i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
