There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
