It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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