I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
