If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
