If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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