i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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