2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize