I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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