i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
