you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
